Aaron (Rideordie4life) formspring.me: "Do you consider Hope or Rachel to be your son's mom? And why?
Well Rachel is his biological mother you all know that but as far as being his mom, well hope takes the cake on that one. She has been there for him through the good and the bad. It's not easy being her but she does it well. Lol but when littleman gets older he will choose who he wants to call mom. I can't be any more proud of hope and what's she's done for him and for me."
Okay so this formspring buisness, is the devil. What him and hope are saying is really mean and half of it isnt true. I think this stupid shit talking has to stop, it's highschool shit and its retarded. Soooo..
Fact #1: I am Lyrics mother. Thats my blood that runs through his little body. She will never have that, i am sorry. A step mother is a step down from the real one. I cant help that. I dont care that she takes care of him, its better knowing someone does there. BUT, i will always be his mom.
Fact #2: I have never done anything to harm Lyric, ever. So the whole knife pulling gangster shit I apparently did, is not true. I however have thrown a few punches and ninja kicks. Dont anybody tell me they havent at one point or another, fuck with me and shit will fly.
Fact #3: Anything to do with my marriages, dont even bother. The other side will either pretend shit was so horrible to their new wife, or pretend they were never even married to me. BUT, i was there and i know how my marriages were. I dont have to lie about that...its sad that I married Jay so soon. Its even sadder I stayed with whats his face for so long.
Fact #4: I have my reasons for not seeing Lyric until next week. Medically I couldnt see him from august 09 until feburary of 2010. After that I've either been broke, scared to see him [wasnt sure if he wouldnt remember me,and hate me],or something going on with my other 3 children. Why I havent seen him, is MY issue, not yours to worry about.
Fact #5: I am a damn good mother, no matter what anybody says. I bust my ass 24/7 without a break, and I dont mind it. Ive been a momma and a daddy to my other 3 and its okay with me. Anybody who thinks im not a good mother, well, maaaaaybe you should rewind and worry about your own shit. I'm not here to entertain your ass.
So now that ive cleared some of that shit...just drop it already. Yeah if you think im an asshole, okay thats fine. I'm a strong ass person and I've seen a lot worse shit. I dont CARE. Anything you have to say to me, negative or nice..do me the favor and do it to my face or via telephone. I'm tired of reading it and it makes you look stupid. I hope whoever read this has a nice day :)
Friday, May 28, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
dear lyric.
Lyric.
Theres so many things I want to tell you...things I wish I could tell you to your face. If I dont see you again there are some things I'd like for you to know.
I want you to know you will always be my son...always know someone is out there thinking about you everyday. I want you to smile and live your life FOR YOU, dont let anyone tell you different. I want you to know you have 2 sisters and a brother here, that wouldve loved to have you with them...you'll always remain their blood. I want to know I never gave up on you...that I never wanted this. I dont want you to blame yourself or anybody else for that matter...I wish I couldve been there everyday to see you grow. I've missed so much, things I wish I couldve held your hand through. Youre so special to me, you will always be a special person Lyric. I wonder what you will look like when you get my age, if you'll be a better person than me. I hope you dont settle for less than you deserve, you deserve the world. I want to save you from anything that could hurt you..it hurts my stomach knowing you will get hurt someday. When that someday comes, know that its okay to cry and feel pain. It cant rain forever...things can always look up monkey. I remember when you came out, the first thing you did was grab onto my face with those warm little hands...and give me this look, like as if you were so content being skin to skin with me. That moment I met you, you stole my heart. I'm sure you will hear bad things about me, and some of them might be true...I loved your dad with everything I had. I just couldnt be the wife he wanted me to be..and thats okay with me now. I dont regret him or you, you both have made me such a strong person. I'm happy he loves you the way he does, it makes me feel content knowing you have him. I want to be there..but right now, it has to be this way. I promise you I will keep trying, and if I never see you again...my heart will always beat for you Lyric Leigh.
Theres so many things I want to tell you...things I wish I could tell you to your face. If I dont see you again there are some things I'd like for you to know.
I want you to know you will always be my son...always know someone is out there thinking about you everyday. I want you to smile and live your life FOR YOU, dont let anyone tell you different. I want you to know you have 2 sisters and a brother here, that wouldve loved to have you with them...you'll always remain their blood. I want to know I never gave up on you...that I never wanted this. I dont want you to blame yourself or anybody else for that matter...I wish I couldve been there everyday to see you grow. I've missed so much, things I wish I couldve held your hand through. Youre so special to me, you will always be a special person Lyric. I wonder what you will look like when you get my age, if you'll be a better person than me. I hope you dont settle for less than you deserve, you deserve the world. I want to save you from anything that could hurt you..it hurts my stomach knowing you will get hurt someday. When that someday comes, know that its okay to cry and feel pain. It cant rain forever...things can always look up monkey. I remember when you came out, the first thing you did was grab onto my face with those warm little hands...and give me this look, like as if you were so content being skin to skin with me. That moment I met you, you stole my heart. I'm sure you will hear bad things about me, and some of them might be true...I loved your dad with everything I had. I just couldnt be the wife he wanted me to be..and thats okay with me now. I dont regret him or you, you both have made me such a strong person. I'm happy he loves you the way he does, it makes me feel content knowing you have him. I want to be there..but right now, it has to be this way. I promise you I will keep trying, and if I never see you again...my heart will always beat for you Lyric Leigh.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
the worst day of my life.
I remember that day...the day he came and took my son from me. I try and try to make it go away but it will go with me to my grave. It's something that nobody can fully grasp, no matter how much I try to get it across. I've had friends turn on me when I needed them the most through this...and for that, i will never forget any of you.
I heard a knock at my door when I was getting ready to vacuum. Lyric was sleeping on the couch while the girls were watching max and ruby. I opened the door as the cops told me there was a restaining order/divorce papers for me. I was okay with that, then they had to explain that they were there for Lyric as well. My heart fell right out of my chest...I paniced. What do you when someone says you have to say goodbye to your 5 week old son? I had 15 minutes left with him..I packed his things and got him ready for Aaron to take him. I walked outside with him shaking, wanting to run as fast as I could. I remember the cops told me it was time..I just couldnt do it. Chloe and Brooklyn watching through the window devistated me...my girls had to watch their brother being ripped out of their mothers arms.I repeated "dont worry,youll be back here mister,i will fight until i'm 6 feet under,i promise". I started to buckle as Aaron walked up to get him. I sat there and the only words that I had for him is "you make sure you hug him and tell him you love him EVERYDAY". It was time, I handed him over, i turn and look at the police as they had tears in their eyes. Aaron walks away and I fall to the ground..it had to have been 107 degrees that day. I remember the smell of the hot concrete...I just layed there bawling..I didnt want to get up. My heart was literally ripped out of my chest and taken back to ventura..
No mother should have to say goodbye to their child..I pray to god nobody has to feel that pain. I've fought like hell through this, and I will always. Say what you want, judge me for all I care...I would walk through fire for the rest of my life as long as Lyric is at the end of it. He will always fuel that fire..always.
I heard a knock at my door when I was getting ready to vacuum. Lyric was sleeping on the couch while the girls were watching max and ruby. I opened the door as the cops told me there was a restaining order/divorce papers for me. I was okay with that, then they had to explain that they were there for Lyric as well. My heart fell right out of my chest...I paniced. What do you when someone says you have to say goodbye to your 5 week old son? I had 15 minutes left with him..I packed his things and got him ready for Aaron to take him. I walked outside with him shaking, wanting to run as fast as I could. I remember the cops told me it was time..I just couldnt do it. Chloe and Brooklyn watching through the window devistated me...my girls had to watch their brother being ripped out of their mothers arms.I repeated "dont worry,youll be back here mister,i will fight until i'm 6 feet under,i promise". I started to buckle as Aaron walked up to get him. I sat there and the only words that I had for him is "you make sure you hug him and tell him you love him EVERYDAY". It was time, I handed him over, i turn and look at the police as they had tears in their eyes. Aaron walks away and I fall to the ground..it had to have been 107 degrees that day. I remember the smell of the hot concrete...I just layed there bawling..I didnt want to get up. My heart was literally ripped out of my chest and taken back to ventura..
No mother should have to say goodbye to their child..I pray to god nobody has to feel that pain. I've fought like hell through this, and I will always. Say what you want, judge me for all I care...I would walk through fire for the rest of my life as long as Lyric is at the end of it. He will always fuel that fire..always.
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